Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
