Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
