my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
