3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
