Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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