I never want to see another naked old woman again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
