you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
