need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
