got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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