What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
