I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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