Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
