He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
being pregnant is like rehab
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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