So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
