fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
