first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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