im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
