Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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