I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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