The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
