I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
