i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
