I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
