I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
