I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sober January is a disaster.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
