exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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