I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize