I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The Olympian is in my bed
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