Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this will be a night to untag.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
