Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
