she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
