So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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