You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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