That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
