I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
