did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
