Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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