you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
