if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
