She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i believe in u and ur pee
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize