Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
