i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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