you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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