Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will be naked everywhere
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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