Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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