i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
