ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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