I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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