Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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