I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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