My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
