Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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