My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
