Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize