umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
