I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
