I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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