On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
