Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
