Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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