A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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