Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
