well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
