is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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