I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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