Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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